Wednesday, January 14, 2009

It's a Mall world after all...

I recently found myself wandering aimlessly around the Smithhaven Mall out here in glorious Suffolk County.

Here are some observations:

I went to the rest room because I am old and I pee all the time. I was washing my hands and I saw a young guy come out of the stall and just walk out without washing his hands. Out of THE STALL.

When I left, I noticed him walking with his girlfriend - HOLDING HER HAND !!. I guess love is not only blind, but it apparently has no sense of smell. I see a case of e-coli in that couple's future.

The security guards ride around in motorized scooters. How cool is that job? There is a movie coming out about these guys. I features Kevin James, a Long Islander who grew up close to the mall I was walking around in.

All the benches were filled with men, waiting for their significant others, who look like they are on death row. One guy was crying. I asked him what was wrong. He said "she is never coming out". I felt really bad for him. I bought him a Godiva chocolate bar. I went to give it to him and he told me to go to hell.

Here is a question:

Why can't the mall have rules like the rules of the road. I think people should only walk one way on each side. Those security guards can pull people over for walking on the wrong side of the mall. It would prevent people from walking into you. Why do I always have to move? If I just walked straight, I would ram into everyone.

Now they have TV screens in the mall as you walk through. I was watching a live concert featuring some kids group called The Doodlebops?? I gotta tell ya...They freaking ROCK. I went into FYE and bought the entire catalog of CD's.

Did I mention I smoked some weed before I got to the mall?

HEY..don't judge me.
(actually, I was kidding). If I smoked weed, I would still be on line at Cinnabon.

I hate the mall.

I can't wait to go back.

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