Sunday, November 9, 2008

To dream the impossible dream...

I am an accountant by day and do stand-up comedy whenever I can. Stand-up started as a hobby but has become sort of a second job. I am not making enough to quit the day job and fear I never will, but I soldier on. I have pretty much given up all hope of making it to the big time. It's a difficult journey and one I cannot devote nearly enough time to. It frustrates me because I love it and it gives me something to live for. It's so hard to keep it as a hobby. Part of me wants to quit comedy so I can stop thinking about it, but there is a little spark in me that hangs on to the dream.

I am also a writer. I have always been writing since I was young, or younger. I still feel young. I dream of being a writer. It's hard to have a dream in America. It's hard because you want to follow it and see it come true. The problem with having a dream is it gives you something to obsess over. The worst part of following your dream is having small successes along the way. Success only increases the frustration of going to work every day to the full time job. It makes your life a living hell. Why have a dream if you can't dive into it full time. If I keep going and hit a brick wall because I have this full time job, I get depressed. It becomes so depressing that I think about quitting the dream. I would much rather quit the full time job, but it's impossible. Apparently, I have to eat. As I get older I try to focus on not being so crazy and obsessive. I try to write and do comedy in my spare time. It gets easier, but still I always wonder what would happen if I really tried. What would happen if I jumped in. Bob Dylan said, "when you ain't got nothing you got nothing to lose". Unfortunately, I got something. I don't want the sun to set on my dream, just yet.

So, this is a blog about mid life awakenings. Anybody out there in the blogosphere who can relate to being in their 40's or 50's or even 60's that has a dream and wants to follow it, get in touch with this blogger. Maybe we can walk through it together.

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