Monday, November 10, 2008

Give a little bit...

Sometimes a little means a lot. Sometimes nothing is everything. We all need support. Why?
What is support? Is it just being there with a person everyday to make sure dinner is ready or the house is clean or the lawn is mowed? Is support bringing home a paycheck every week and making sure the kids are taken care of?

The dictionary meaning of support is many things:
to endure bravely or quietly : (1): to promote the interests or cause of (2): to uphold or defend as valid or right.

Support is often used as a reason for marital woes. Overused, in my opinion.

I believe real support is unselfishly given. Support is being with your spouse in an uncomfortable situation because that is where your spouse wants to be, or needs to be. Support is allowing the other person to enjoy a part of his or her life without passing judgement. We are individuals first and a couple second. I would like to believe that a good marriage is made up of a couple of individuals. Marriage should not mean the end of your "self", but rather an extension of it. When a person demands that their partner give up all or part of themselves, the marriage suffers. This act of selfishness creates a rebellion withing the marriage much like that of a teenager. Instead of building a relationship, it builds resentment. Why do people act this way? Is it fear of losing the person? I bet one main reason people leave a marriage is this lack of individuality. They feel trapped, lost and eventually unhappy. Support is not holding on, but rather letting go. Letting go is very difficult, but necessary for the health of any relationship, be it husband/wife, parent/child or any other.

Sometimes it's very hard to get the kind of support you need. If you ask for support and get it, it seems disingenuous, or forced. It should come automatically, without thinking. Support should be offered, not coerced.

In mid-life, support is the most important thing. Mid-life is more than just a phase or something biological, It's real, It's Life...It needs support..Life support

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