The tears of a clown...

I used to laugh everyday. Laughing was my favorite thing to do. Since I have been doing stand up comedy on a regular basis, I hardly laugh anymore. I don't know why? Maybe from being around it all the time I am getting numb. When I started doing stand-up comedy, I laughed at all the comics. Now, I just say "funny", perhaps chuckle, but no real laughter. I can't remember the last comic that made me laugh out loud. I long for that eye-tearing, belly laugh, but it just doesn't come. I love making people laugh. People approach me after my shows and thank me for making them laugh. I took them away from their horrible lives for a while. It's the most satisfying part of doing stand up comedy. I just wish I knew what that felt like. People try to make me laugh. Being a comedian, they feel it's necessary to send me jokes from the Internet. I never laugh at any of these. Besides, I have seen them all hundreds of times. I appreciate your efforts, but please stop.

The hope of every comedian is to make the whole world laugh. However, stand-up comics are among the saddest, most depressed people I have ever met. Many are bitter and angry because they can't make every person laugh. Their entire self worth is based on how many people they made laugh on any given night. Maybe if they could just laugh a little bit, they would feel better.

I apologize for sounding all sad and pathetic.

There are a few things that make me laugh.










I still laugh every time I see a Marx Brothers movie, or episodes of Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm. It feels good to laugh at those things, but I have seen them all numerous times and I fear that one day I will grow tired of the repeats and cease to laugh. I don't laugh at any new shows. I just find them lame. It's the same old joke. Some new shows are one-joke shows and it gets old very quickly. I tend to disect the humor in current shows and I find it lacking originality and intelligence. I watch things other people say are funny and I just never laugh. I groan. I wince. I cringe. I don't laugh. It's hard to think about the last movie that made me laugh. I mean really laugh. I loved the old Mel Brooks movies, but that was before I lost my ability to laugh. If they came out now, I wonder if I would find them as funny.

This made me wonder about other professions. I can't imagine how a gynecologist feels, or even worse, a porn star. Can they enjoy those intimate moments or does it feel like they are at the "office"? I guess it's true when they say you can't have too much of a good thing.



I hope to laugh again someday. I hope it's soon. I certainly need to.

But for now, I will continue to enjoy making you laugh.

<----This is an actual picture taken while I was on stage.

It makes me happy, but it doesn't make me laugh.